My Journal Entry

Numb as fuck

but still manage to feel stress

struck with bad luck 

and emotional paralysis

it's time to decompress 

and reassess 

because in the process 

of pursuing 

feeling something 

anything at all

I'm making flash fast 

rash decisions

and doing 

what feels good in the moment 

but later has me reflecting 

and thinking

if I'm just being reckless

to see if I can even feel it

like swimming 

tied to blocks of cement

but it's not that

it might just be

I haven't felt anything in so long

I'm looking for ways to make it wrong

I've become 

this numbness 

and I'm just used to it

stagnant detachment 

l'm barely afloat

stranded mid sea no current

no raft or boat

unanswered questions 

left stuck in my throat

if it weren't 

for the occurrence 

that forever altered me

I wouldn't be

in fragments 

and I can't ask for someone 

to handle all of my pieces

and carry all my baggage

no one is equipped to manage 

something so dismantled 

it's rare that I have them

those small stolen 

moments of releases

but then again

it never ceases to amaze me 

that they are over as soon as they begin

Burnt-out embers

I remember 

the fire that burned within

now it seems like there's a spark again

like a start

like it might reignite 

I'm convinced

under the right circumstance

or in the right hands

or with the right plan

it'll set ablaze

and maybe I'll no longer avert my gaze 

to hide my emptiness

maybe it will be worth the wait

I know

things go 

in that perpetual 

full circle 

a redo 

a reversal

to give me a second chance at the hurdles

and I mean to take the opportunity 

all the while transforming

the agony 

inside of me 

into art in my journals

then perform it verbally