My Bad

Hitting rock bottom 

and falling in love 

are similar 

familiar in the loss of sense 

and composure

it's uncomfortable 

because I'm so vulnerable 

raw and open 

complete exposure

Addicted 

I'm sick when 

I miss him

but it's one sided 

half blinded 

high shit 

I gotta push past it

because he's not worthy

well yes he is

but he doesn't 

see my worth

or his 

own enough 

to let me worship him

and that's worse

the fact that he's everything 

but won't let me 

behave accordingly

like royalty 

with no peasants

it makes no sense 

but he's so jaded 

from past experiences

What's the point

when he'll never say what he's thinking 

unless he's rapping or he's drinking 

if he compliments me 

it's camouflaged 

because he hates to admit 

that he enjoys me 

so avoids me 

self sabotage 

I'm slightly amused 

he uses 

all my old moves

from before I grew up

I busy 

myself with actions

to distract 

myself from the persisting sadness

of his absence

from the whole ordeal 

stuck between the place of missing him 

and avoiding him to heal