Numb Luck

I've happily succumbed 

to feeling numb 

going through the motions 

deflecting from

who I've become

and what I have done

to get through

Supression of the traumatic

is a necessary survival tactic

so when they say I have a chip on my shoulder 

I want them to know it's far more problematic

I carry the heaviness of an avalanche 

on my back 

I try not to fold 

beneath the weight 

of a thousand jagged boulders

Emptiness is a massive load

a crushing burden to hold alone

I wallow in my hollowness

I'm complacent 

with the vacant 

part of my heart

darkness swallows whole 

those of us who've lost our soul

Desperate for relief 

from my so-called temporary grief 

I've debated on several occasions 

the worth of it all 

A battle just below the surface

it's me versus 

the person I was

because I'm done 

searching 

for the one 

everyone keeps requesting 

she's gone

I remain

ruined by loss 

exhausted and accosted 

by the constant question 

"are you okay?"

as if I could be

or as if I ever will be

even if I seem so 

it's fleeting 

being in mourning comes in waves

I keep distance 

to avoid having to give reason 

for my lack of feelings

or having to explain my pain

or the void of nothingness 

I coexist with

that they could never imagine

because ignorance is bliss

and I would probably hate them for it

if I still felt things