Built To Withstand

I'm not sure if it's my willpower

or my ability

to suppress

that's impressive

but it probably

has something

to do with my manic

depressive ways

they give me the ability

to behave

as if my feelings don't exist

emotional cease and desist

so to speak

I internalize things

with minimal reactions

and don't put them on display

it's a bittersweet strength

I do such a good job at holding it in

sometimes even I'm convinced

it isn't until I'm home

and I'm alone

when the tears overflow

that it kicks in

then it's impossible to dismiss

how much I'm affected

by having to stifle my love for him

pretend we're just friends

in order to maintain what we have

but he's worth this

the burden of

having to resist the urges

that persist

fighting my instincts

and unloading it all on my therapist

she insists

I should give up

but I twist up

instead

how has she not

learned yet

that I flourish in disappointment